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Suicide
A friend or loved one is suicidal — what can you do?
All suicide attempts should be taken seriously.
Where to get help for yourself:
The key words are "for the moment." The suicidal person is a victim of depression compounded, many times, by feelings of poor self worth, sin and failure, rejection, deep guilt and the need to be punished. There is the desire to remove themselves, to get out of the way because "nobody cares!" Drugs and alcohol often contribute to the confused thinking. As with most feelings and temptations, the desire intensities, peaks, and then lessens. It is extremely important that a caring individual be with the suicidal person at the peak of his desire to kill himself. If we can help him to walk through the storm, the intense desire to kill himself will lessen and gradually reason will return. The suicidal person will be ambivalent in his desire to kill himself. We simply need to be compassionate enough to hang in there with him until the suicidal feelings have passed. Some people threaten suicide just to get attention and sympathy. They want someone to listen to their hurts and gripes and complaints and frustrations. They also have problems that need to be dealt with. How do we know if a person is truly suicidal? Answer - The Plan! As you listen and listen to the person talk, one of the things that you want to listen for is - The Plan! How does the individual plan to end his life? Does he have the means to commit the act of suicide right now? You can talk to a man who is suicidal, who is drinking, who has the loaded gun on the table in front of him, and you can talk with a man who says he is going to purchase a gun and kill himself. There is a difference, but both men are in trouble. You can talk with a woman who threatens to commit suicide. When you ask her how she is thinking of ending her life - she may say she is going to go out, be sexually promiscuous. catch AIDS, and die. This woman has a problem, but she is not really suicidal. The more carefully thought out the suicide plan and the more able a person is to carry out his threat, the greater the risk of suicide. All suicidal threats should be taken seriously. They are symptoms of deeper problems. It has been discovered that the person who actually commits suicide, often threatened to end his life several times previously. Why do people kill themselves? Most of the time people who kill themselves are very sick with depression or one of the other types of depressive illnesses, which occur when the chemicals in a person's brain get out of balance or become disrupted in some way. Healthy people do not kill themselves. A person who has depression does not think like a typical person who is feeling good. Their illness prevents them from being able to look forward to anything. They can only think about NOW and have lost the ability to imagine into the future. Many times they don't realize they are suffering from a treatable illness and they feel they can't be helped. Seeking help may not even enter their mind. They do not think of the people around them, family or friends, because of their illness. They are consumed with emotional, and many times, physical pain that becomes unbearable. They don't see any way out. They feel hopeless and helpless. They don't want to die, but it's the only way they feel their pain will end. It is a non-rational choice. Getting depression is involuntary - no one asks for it, just like people don't ask to get cancer or diabetes. But, we do know that depression is a treatable illness. That people can feel good again! Please remember - Depression, plus alcohol or drug use can be lethal. Many times people will try to alleviate the symptoms of their illness by drinking or using drugs. Alcohol and / or drugs will make the disease worse! There is an increased risk for suicide because alcohol and / or drugs decrease judgment and increase impulsivity. Do people who attempt suicide do it to prove something? To show people how bad they feel, and to get sympathy? They don't do it necessarily to prove something, but it is certainly a cry for help, which should never be ignored. This is a warning to people that something is terribly wrong. Many times people cannot express how horrible or desperate they're feeling - they simply can't put their pain into words. There is no way to describe it. A suicide attempt must always be taken seriously. People who have attempted suicide in the past, are at risk for trying it again and possibly completing it, if they don't get help for their depression. Can a suicidal person mask their depression with happiness? We know that many people suffering from depression can hide their feelings, appearing to be happy. But, can a person who is contemplating suicide feign happiness? Yes, they can. But, most of the time a suicidal person will give clues as to how desperate he/she is feeling. They may be subtle clues though, and that's why knowing what to watch for is critical. A person may "hint" that he / she is thinking about suicide. For example, they may say something like, "Everyone would be better off without me." Or, "It doesn't matter. I won't be around much longer anyway." We need to "key into" phrases like those instead of dismissing them as just talk. It is estimated that 80% of people who died of suicide, mentioned it to a friend or relative before dying. Other danger signs are having a preoccupation with death, losing interest in things one cares about, giving things away, having a lot of "accidents" recently, or engaging in risk-taking behavior, like speeding or reckless driving, or general carelessness. Some people even joke about completing suicide - it should always be taken seriously. Is it more likely for a person to suicide if he / she has been exposed to it in their family or has had a close friend die of suicide? We know that suicide tends to run in families, but it is believed that this is due to the fact that depression and other related depressive illnesses have a genetic component. And that if they are left untreated (or mistreated), they can result in suicide. But, talking about suicide or being aware of a suicide that happened in your family or to a close friend does not put you at risk for attempting it, if you are healthy. The only people who are at risk are those who are vulnerable in the first place - vulnerable because of an illness called depression or one of the other depressive illnesses. The risk increases if the illness is not treated. Why don't people talk about depression and suicide? The main reason people don't talk about it is because of the stigma. People who suffer from depression are afraid that others will think they are "crazy", which is so untrue. And society still hasn't accepted depressive illnesses like they've accepted other diseases. Alcoholism is a good example - no one ever wanted to talk openly about that, and now look at how society views it. It's a disease that most people feel pretty comfortable discussing with others if it's in their family. They talk of the effect it has had on their lives and different treatment plans. And everyone is educated on the dangers of alcohol and on alcohol prevention. As for suicide, it's a topic that has a long history of being taboo - something that should just be forgotten, kind of swept under the rug, And that's why people keep dying. Suicide is so misunderstood by most people, so the myths are perpetuated. And the taboo prevents people from getting help, and prevents society from learning more about suicide and depression. If everyone were educated on these subjects, many lives could be saved. Will "talking things out" cure depression? The studies that have been done on "talk therapy" vs. using antidepressant medication have shown that in some mild depressions, talking to a counselor may ease some of the symptoms. But it has been proven that in severe depressions, talking things out will not cure the illness. It's like trying to talk a person out of having a heart attack. It just won't work. Most of the time, the person needs medication. Studies have shown that a combination of psychotherapy (talk therapy) and antidepressant medication is the most effective way of treating most people - who suffer from depression. Why do people attempt suicide when they appear to have been feeling so much better? Sometimes people who are severely depressed and contemplating suicide don't have enough energy to carry it out. But, as the disease begins to "lift" they may regain some of their energy but will still have feelings of hopelessness. There's also another theory that people just kind of "give in" to the anguished feelings (the disease), because they just can't fight it anymore. This in turn, releases some of their anxiety, which makes them "appear" calmer. Even if they do die by suicide, that doesn't mean they chose it. If they knew they could have the life back that they had before their illness, they would choose life. If a person's "mind is made up", can they still be stopped? Yes! People who are contemplating suicide go back and forth, thinking about life and death. They don't want to die, they just want the pain to stop. Once they know they can be helped, that there are treatments available for their illness, it gives them hope. We should never "give up" on someone, just because we think they've made their mind up! From SA\VE - Suicide Awareness \ Voices of Education Reasons for Suicidal Behavior in people
*Especially true with teens. DO: 1. Take away access to the method the person intends to use to harm themselves. 2. Use a positive approach that directs the person's mind to the most positive options. 3. Employ a calm and understanding voice tone. 4. Question in a non-threatening, constructive manner. 5. Remove the confusion and helplessness the person is experiencing. 6. Help the person and you understand what is really going on by using total communication. 7. Bring out that the person's family is a source of strength. (NOTE: If the person seems too agitated or upset by that idea, drop it and get on another topic immediately.) DON'T: 1. Sound shocked or embarrassed by ANYTHING the person tells you. 2. Bring in the idea of how their suicide will hurt their family until you're sure that isn't exactly what they want to do in the first place. 3. Get in an argument with the person - you can never win this type of discussion and may also lose the person as well. 4. Feel you have to solve the problem totally by yourself or feel you must have all the answers. Trust in God and the strength He gives both you and the suicidal person. 5. Give up - You can do it! Do not be afraid to ask directly if the person has entertained thoughts of suicide.
Initial questions you can ask are:
Further questions may include:
Erroneous beliefs about suicide
Revised: May 11, 2009 |
